I spent last week googling bug bites and skin rashes. Spring makes my anxiety bloom. When I was a kid, my British grandma insisted on tucking me in each night with this reminder: Bugs crawl in through every orifice while we sleep. Sometimes my skin bubbles up just thinking there’s a spider on me. Even at 25, I have to check the the ceiling corners in each room before I fall sleep. I’ll never sit on grass or lean on fences. I mistake lint and paper and bottle caps for spiders.
Anxiety is often as exhausting physically as it is mentally—my stomach’s sore from screaming, my chest feels like a carcass, my eyes water in anticipation of the next bawl.
there are ticks everywhere // ticks are part of the arachnid family // can they burrow under my skin? // we’re all going to die
When I’m anxious I make lists—usually short notes about things I need to cut out of my life or tasks for the next hour, week, month. They ground me.
So here’s to Tiny Lists, short collections of bits of the universe that keep our contributors and editors going through retrogrades, seasonal allergies, and the fear of eight legged creatures. To start us off, here are some podcasts that I’m currently obsessed with:
1. These Witch Gifs Will Infuse Some Fun Magic Into Your Day | Joanna C. Valente
Luna Luna Magazine
2. Anxiety for Highly Productive People | Laura Turner
“I know that when I am anxious, I often think I can produce my way out of it. I have an uneasy relationship with productivity, thinking my anxiety will be placated if I just do enough big things.”
3. The Screaming Sheep | AjQ2891
4. Mercury Stations Direct: Horoscopes for the Week of May 1st | Chani Nicholas
“This set up is encouraging us to cut ties with the traditional ways of thinking about an issue that keep us locked in the same answers. This set up encourages us to channel the kind of creativity that throws off the shackles of conformity and embraces a wild and untamable ingenuity.”
5. Relaxing and Refreshing Lavender Lemonade | Frugal Coupon Living
Bükem Reitmayer is the Editor-in-Chief of Cosmonauts Avenue. Her work has appeared in No Tokens, FLOOD, and Carousel, among others. She is currently an MFA candidate at UMass Amherst.