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So far cosmonautsavenue has created 983 blog entries.

Emily Spencer

God this is a face. / God, this is too much water to waste. / God, good God, I am embraced.

Jose Hernandez Diaz

He seemed to reach the moon with his laugh. / My abuelo was the true poet: the way / He smoked his cigarette on the porch like a train

Lavinia Liang

a couple keeps kissing / stopped by the old wall / too many palm fronds / and slicked back movie hair / and they don’t know

Ivanna Baranova

tell me about your day / mariana / about the song you shazamed / on the grocery store radio / the spilled bottle / that soaked the concrete floor / in a color / you called cerulean

Marissa Houston

You play the dressing game with your mother like this: every item of clothing in your closet and dresser drawers ends up on your bedroom floor. You mix and match, mix and match, mix and match until both of you stare each other down; parallel stances, hands on hips, and eyebrows knitted in defiance. She tells you that she doesn’t know where you come from sometimes, such a small body for so much attitude. Such a tiny girl for so much chutzpah.

Jenzo DuQue

I can hear him through my shut eyelids. Bent over in a fit, I wheeze against the radiator, indifferent to its warmth. Somewhere in the kitchen Jorge opens and closes drawers, each emitting a different hollow note. He intends to bury the ashtray—probably among dirty porcelain, empty take-out boxes, and more mugs. I recover, only to knead dust on my fingertips. The apartment is filthy, that much I can tell. His mother, Angela, may she rest in peace, would not approve.

Janice Lee

He knew the facts: The tomatoes were not ripening, though day after day he offered his eyes and pruned them and watered them and watched the sun. It was too hot. In these extreme temperatures, the tomatoes wouldn’t begin the process of senescence and therefore wouldn’t ripen. Senescence was, essentially, the process of getting old. The natural process of aging in plants includes the ripening of fruits, which is often induced by ethylene.

Chelsea Sutton

Yes, Audrey is wearing a graphic T-shirt with a depiction of Lake Arrowhead. After killing her, someone stuffed the earmuffs in her mouth and wrote #BroosterBabe in black sharpie on her right arm. Perhaps it has a meaning, perhaps not. Most things do not. Do not get lost in the details.

Wesley O. Cohen

The apology was platinum. The publicist hit all the right notes: the contrite acceptance of responsibility, the head-hanging, the hand-wringing, the self-flagellation, the commitment to listening and learning and striving to change. The reminder of daughter, the apology to wife, the reassurance of positive work for womankind in other areas.

Emma Sheinbaum

My dream is to be the funniest person someone has ever met. Maybe I am that something to someone. I talk to my therapist about my competing thoughts and resolute feelings. The friction gives me migraines. Can I be both rock and hard place? What is that phrase even trying to mean? I only want to see all angles of everything is that so much to ask for, so much to try for.

Allison Hong Merrill

Before Cameron returned home to Texas, we’d exchanged our mailing address. A year after he returned to Texas, I served a mission in Taiwan from 1994 to 1995. He wrote to me weekly, telling me about his transition back to the student life, about his breakup with different girlfriends, and about the feelings he had kept secret during his service as a missionary. "I fell in love with a girl . . . it’s you."

Exodus Oktavia Brownlow

And damn-it, was it really so much to ask for our Movie of the Month moments. Because there was so much we didn’t have control of but maybe we could give ourselves a few tears to rest in the palms of our hands. Maybe one day when we would be such-and-such year’s old, we would remember how we had wanted to die, but instead we somehow found a way to live.

Kristin Ito

I’m trained on all the birth control methods. I memorize the effectiveness percentages, the most common side effects. I learn to take vitals and discover which exam rooms have the digital blood pressure monitors, and which ones will require me to use a stethoscope, the ear pieces so hard they hurt as I listen for the muffled beat.

Imran Boe Khan

To some, the role of arbiter comes naturally—my great uncle for example, an Indian diplomat during the 1950s, would often boast of his abilities to transform a tense atmosphere into one of eye-watering tenderness. My son, at the moment of writing, possesses no such gift. He uses one of two strategies when my partner and I are in discussions with our daughter.

K-Ming Chang

The following fall, during her second year in Arkansas, my mother registered for high school. On the school registration form in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, there were three options to select from: N, O, W. Negro, Oriental, White. She wore a pewter crucifix clasped around her neck and her hair in a braid was so long she could tie it into a noose and hang someone from it. 

Sarah Feng

These cylindrical yellow telephones spill out of the baskets placed in the center of our house, the last-minute snack grabbed before a junior-year track meet and the forgotten friend left to turn brown in the pantry. Bananas are underrated for all they do for us. We appreciate your service and salute your uncomplaining roost in the back-shelves of the world. Their comical slip-and-slide plot devices were a frequent recurrence in 喜羊羊与灰太狼, “Pleasant Wolf and Big Bad Wolf,” which I remember in velvet glimpses of brilliant screens, sweaty and odorless in the Beijing apartment of my youth.

Jowita Bydlowska

It was one summer where it seemed both of us suddenly came out of grieving, or something changed—enough time has passed. We started talking to each other again without the television screen buffering our feelings and somehow it came out that we both wanted to be parents still but how? We were in our late 40s, we could no longer create a baby.

M.I. Estepa

Tito Pancho from the butcher’s told his cousin Manny that his Guadalupe medal had cried real tears the day his dog gave birth to a litter of four. Only two had survived the night, and Manny, a close worker under Glo’s father, gave the girls the stronger pup of the two. Glo doesn’t know what happened to the runt; it could be on the streets with the other strays, or perhaps long dead.

Anne Baldo

Liss said, we are motel mermaids, we are made of magic. Which sounded better than it actually was, how we were housekeeping for the Blue Haven Motel on an island in the middle of Lake Erie. During the day we drank gin together and did what Liss called keeping up appearances, which meant we went to work on any obvious dirt and left the rest. The worst was when we found bloodstains, because then you had to change the sheets.

Emma Ensley

I’m playing Candyland with Ambrose on the floor of her family’s playroom. Her and her sister are only allowed 30 minutes of TV a day and I foolishly let them use it all before 9 a.m. I am partially paying attention to the game and mostly scrolling through instagram waiting for the coffee I stole from the bottom of the pot downstairs to kick in.

Neema Avashia

My mother tries to be supportive of the idea of my writing, even takes memoir classes at the local university and shares her essays with me, but does not understand my need to publish. She wants it to be enough for me to put the words on paper and share them with her and my sister. She struggles to come to terms with my need to share them with the wider world.

Dana De Greff

For months Yessi had felt nothing. Everyone else in her class saw colors, felt tingles, had visions of spirit animals doing weird things like making herbal tea or playing the violin. For months she struggled even with the most basic poses, the ardho mukha svasana, down dog, the vrkasana, tree pose, the ananda balasana, happy baby. She had no balance and no strength, while everyone else seemed to move like ballerinas, holding poses with grace and not a drop of sweat.

Kosiso Ugwueze

Chisom and I were best friends and worst enemies. We were always fighting. We gutted ourselves like the fishermen did to the fish on the boats that hovered in the horizon. Something about Chisom always pricked me, pushed me to the edge of madness. But she was my best friend, my only friend.

Allison Pinkerton

My sister Evie said her week of rest was Biblical, pre-ordained, saintly. She’d gone diva after becoming a YouTube influencer famous for faith healing. Dealing with internet trolls for six months, she said, entitled her to a week of watching Buzzfeed Tasty videos on Instagram while wrapped in a fuzzy pink blanket.

Theo Yurevitch

Paloma froze. She almost asked what he meant, but she knew, even though this wasn’t the story that she’d been telling herself. When she squeezed her eyes shut, she saw the black Cadillac not just loaded with trunks and bags full of the Señor’s corpse, but all their bodies, trundling off over a dirt road through the Acantilados region into a canyon at sundown.

Ryan Jones

That’s how the four years went. I’d ride around with the güeros and get high, drunk when we could. That’s how I found myself, how I remade myself. If I wasn’t brown and I wasn’t white, I could always be fucked up.

Adèle Barclay

I know my name isn’t the story I want to tell, but it’s all I can give you for now. I’d love to offer you a life story, unabridged, coherent, rendered insightfully, but all I can muster is a few scraps that dance around my first name, its historical, literary and popular lineages, its foibles.

Vineetha Mokkil

More than our designations, it was the food we ate that set us apart. Food loomed between the Queen and me—a solid, sky-high edifice sealing our places in the hierarchy.

Yamilette Vizcaíno

It’s written on a Friday. It’s written as a letter to my white boss. My very lovely (but) white boss, who I called evil for the first time the day before yesterday.

Lauren Hooker

The woman who goes before me is an alcoholic but she’s in deep denial about it. Sometimes, when the white noise machine isn’t working, I can hear them yelling at each other on the other side of the door. DO YOU THINK IT’S NORMAL TO DRINK A BOTTLE OF WINE A NIGHT? my therapist yells, and the woman yells back, YES I DO. But at other times I can hear them laughing away like old friends, and I think to myself, a little bitterly, that my therapist never laughs that way with me.

Clarence Harlan Orsi

Behind the old woman, next to the shelf of vagina puppets, was a set of hooks for coats, unoccupied since we’d all draped ours over our chairs. She put one damp bag on each hook, spreading it carefully so it would dry. I imagined her home, the knick-knacks she dusted but never really looked at, the cross above the mirror.

Jordan Jace

All love is conditional. The issue with love in the nuclear family is that this conditionality is constantly denied as it is reinforced. It confuses the ‘loved’ and the ‘lover.’

Frances Ray

Mothers liked me. I was prim, with straight hair. They delighted in how I didn’t need wrinkles or children to make me bitter, as I already was, and had been for a long time. I was smart for this, they ascertained, precocious. They went on to appreciate the neutral palette of my clothes, and then my culinary preference for thin soups and fresh meats, and then the precision of my parallel park. I was a serious woman, they deduced. I’d protect their sons. I’d keep them warm.

Stephen Silke

It isn’t enough to just know Frank. Frank wants to wave hello to you as you unload your groceries. And Frank says hi very often to you on your way to the store. He doesn’t just want to keep it distant either. He offers to take your mail in for you when you travel far away on vacation. And you say yes because he is also taking in the mail for your other neighbors and Frank and the neighbors agree that this is what neighbors do.

Mandy-Suzanne Wong

Sound. My first medium. That coincidence of air and flesh where I learned what joy and beauty are. I was incredulous when Kathryn told me about this machine. I researched it compulsively, more aghast with every click.

Lillian-Yvonne Bertram

My wife is white and so is / my husband. I half-mine the enslavement, / snack on the bitty bothers.

Andrea Abi-Karam

spray paint fucking everywhere queer liberation means a world without prisons

Rax King

“How’s the Alpha Diet working out for you? Feeling better? Ready to carry a baby?” She patted the cavernous gape of my stomach, looking the angry way she looked whenever she didn’t want me to know she needed to cry. I reached for a second handful of meat, but she pulled the plate out of my reach and I dropped my hand, unable to stretch my arm out to meet her.

María José Giménez

I hit refresh refresh refresh / on a list called Victims / Emergency webpage / Anywhere, USA

Kate Jordan

Tag-teaming, Gary and Mickey detailed how they landed in AA after watching the bottoms fall out of their lives. Thanks to the grace of God, their sorry asses had been dragged through the door and they’d started practicing ‘attitude of gratitude’ and living life on life’s terms. AA had been the absolute last stop on the train; now Gary had ten years of sobriety; Mickey, eighteen.

Em Meller

An alternative theory: now we mostly live in cities, and the lights are all on, we have a predator void. This accounts for our instinctive fear of the dark – even though predators, in the traditional lion-stalking-prey sense, are no longer hiding there. The void could make us collectively, completely paranoid, if we let it.

Anna Linetskaya

I might have placed a hold on my relationships with most of my relatives, but I always stayed in close touch with my mother. Although she and my father also changed the geolocation of the house they called “home” and were now thousands of miles away from Vladivostok, my mother continued to be my conduit to my former life. Unlike me, she never felt like she was meddling when she spent hours on the phone and, later, on various video-chats, trying to keep abreast with the life in our hometown.

Update May 2020

We want to thank our contributors, readers, friends and everyone who donated to our Kickstarter for your patience, support, and love.

JL Bogenschneider

I first read the manuscript – the samizdat – on my only excursion to the Territory, part of an official engagement in which I’d been invited to act as interpreter to the Ambassador of the Outer Region. It was a rare opportunity to visit the notoriously secretive state. My diary from that period is due to be published later this year, although this is about another story entirely.

Sarah Scarr

I didn’t get the body of a woman until I was 35. It seemed like everyone else had traded in their boy-bodies long ago, and even though I really thought I’d have mine forever, I’d taken him for granted for so long I hardly noticed he was missing until the body of a woman arrived in the night, headed straight for the closet, and tried to squeeze herself into his clothing. 

Reyes Ramirez

ive spoken to the surfbird, los arboles verdes, con los coyotes, with los elk in return they said listen

Cassia Hameline

Your belly, swollen with years of Milwaukee’s Best, would rise and fall with each breath that passed through your big, sun-burned nose. We’d watch from a distance, far enough from your beer-soaked breath so that it couldn’t fill our smaller, paler noses with the smell that was you, and we’d wonder how a man never thirsted for anything but “the Best.”

Munib Khan

Four elderly men in tracksuits passed the bench. He noticed one of them, a white-bearded man, thin and pale with a long nose, was staring pointedly, annoyance frozen on his face. He stared back at the man but did not say anything. 

Eva Dunsky

Sunny gets mad at me because I assume all of the children will die. She likes to remind me that there must be some like us, grave but no fatal cases. I concede that she has a point.

Eloise Grills

The opening chords of Jessie’s Girl are the world cumming into the world’s mouth The opening chords of Jessie’s Girl are watching me with those eyes

Saúl Hernández

The telephone rings at three in the morning, the receiver shouts into my mother’s ear: Papá esta muerto!

Kirwyn Sutherland

I have too much good in me to want the police officer’s gun but I imagine becoming my visions and then again what good would that do and then again why do I have to be good?

Yuki Jackson

he is my favorite MC so I place his photo next to my favorite poem about birds being men and men being birds

Kanika Lawton

I ruin beauty. Crumpling underneath lights, / it doesn’t take much to crush them.

Stephanie Cawley

Another way to say haunting / is still alive. I wanted to study / the future but drove instead / through the city where I used to live.

Bronwen Brenner

Did you know that most corals are neither male nor female? You too, stone. Stone coral, so stony in your corallite, so skeletal in your hunger, so red / red / red.

Mariah Bosch

I have wanted before or forgotten I wanted and given away: I want a man who does not want other women when I am not around

J. David

My grandmother traded her sanity for the freedom of inescapable things. The helix my / mother builds for me shares her disappearances. It is the reason I fear the faces of my own future children

Dujie Tahat

If bearing witness is a kind of victim- / hood, you’ll watch the world / burn from what.

Charlotte Williams

Arthur, in a strapping Christmas sweater / Arthur, in a patch of grassy elm, weaving through the trees / Arthur, his jeweled teeth, tearing through rawhide

Liza Sparks

lest we forget the malleability of the human body the seriousness of play/when I was small I pressed my face against the car window attempting

Priyanka Yap

for: weirdos, freaks, math whizzes, candy-sniffers, burrito-makers, lunch-queers, pep aliens & any other creature unnamed on the outside looking in

Desiree Evans

There are crumbling cottages all over the island, built long ago by Juba’s people. They were made from large chunks of stone, built to last, but abandoned during the war. We found one not too destroyed by fire, hurricane, or time, and it provides enough shelter for us to sleep soundly during the night. We nest down beside the birds and bugs and the things that remain from long ago.

Éva Veronika Kalapos

We get a worksheet. Mrs. Zsuzsa is obsessed with getting to know us, because they told her at school that she has to get to know her students, to know the humans inside the children sitting before her. The first question on the worksheet is “Which word would you use to describe yourself right now?”

Claire Donato

As for parents, my acupuncturist and I have four. Mine are divorced, and my acupuncturist’s are the only couple I can call to mind when I try to call to mind a secure couple. Being in a relationship is hard, the acupuncturist says, and being alone is hard too. You have to take what you get without settling for scraps.

Alexis Diano Sikorski

(seven days and her food turns / poison),/ and so i stage a rescue, / and we'll see how it goes.

Bára Hladík

function transcend (space * time) { / var elements; / var enlightenment; / var thirdDimension; var physicalQuantities; / return stillMortal }

Amrita Chakraborty

it is in my nature / to always be forgiving, to / swallow the fragment of bone / instead of spitting. so then / i let my body convalesce, / shimmer and steam light / into an undiscovered medium.

Elias Lowe

the undoing of heart-brains / happens quick with avalanches / of words that split us open / through wet exhales of anxiety

Faith Christine

disappointment. later i will press / mouth to ear and confess / i am sakit, drawing your escape

Sage

into a sewergrate for all the sunless creatures / to stare @/awestruck until one steps forth & / declares this the second coming of their god / & all the creatures fall to praise

Gloria Muñoz

We are high and eating everything: a Costco bag of Chex Mix, / a jar of olives. There’s a mountain of foil between us / in bed from mouthfuls of Kisses.

Malcolm Friend

Here the plátanos peel themselves, even the green ones. Especially the green ones. The husks of their outer layer sit by almost perfectly intact.

Gabrielle Ralambo-Rajerison

Like many women, I’m terrified of becoming my father. When I was born the hospital ran out of pink caps and gave me to him a boy.

John Elizabeth Stintzi

A few years back, when I was playing the organ at the church, I was seeing a dental hygienist who was the front woman of a melodic thrash metal band called Clits of Anarchy. At the time, I was between living situations. I owed a lot of back rent to a guy who'd quickly became an ex-friend, and I was pretty ashamed of it. I'd never slipped that far down before, I'd always been able to skim by. 

Mejdulene B. Shomali

imagine i am 24 married to rami or fadi or even moussa imagine i wear the big white dress imagine i am 28 with two children imagine i am searching but not finding

Jean Yoon

They say: SOFTEN. They say: GO OUTSIDE. They say: TRUST IN THE PROCESS.

Amy Gong Liu

and the night / holds the / pocket holds / the wistfuls / and their lines / of stolen / diamonds in / their sky

Robin Gow

I want a god big enough for me. A tree / strange enough to take root in molten body. You animals with you / sense of ritual. You animals with your peace and dirt and planting.

Kechi Nomu

Or something florid enough to mean the transitions / Between silence and my father's tentative humour, / Feeling out the sleek ghosts of our unlit passage. / Nothing grim.

Kaiya Gordon

1. children learn to play butcher a. like this they practice fake cuts

Ashira Shirali

At arranged weddings as a child, she’d seen potatoey complexions, sagging jowls, mashed plums for noses under sehras, and shivered to think of the day when she’d be on that red velvet stage.

Ava Wolf

My palms were slick with sweat. I smudged pencil lead across the linoleum, destroying the church, although now it really seemed more like an amalgam of haphazard shapes. There were now two things I couldn’t draw, I decided: cars and churches.

Gabriela Gonzales

A tooth for a tooth. By the skin of your teeth. As bad as pulling teeth. Lying through your teeth. Biting off more than you can chew. Fighting tooth and nail. Sink your teeth into it. Set your teeth on edge. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

Levi Todd

These college boys are holding court with a beer in each hand. These Cinderellas know they only have until 2am to fight, to kiss, to cry.

Satya Dash

Flashing my yellow teeth every time someone tripped / I’m not expecting spring to bring joy, how can I / When I can’t bring myself to step out of bed & skin

A. Mustafa

exile first my, tongue mother my father’s my displaced too which amused often mother

Madelin A Medina

M’ija, she said to me softly, I will show you that the thickness and pigment aren’t really much.

Lisa Summe

what if i could be / my own therapist / my own safe space / say it lisa / say what you’ve done / walked away from / given up on / held the face / of everyone you’ve ever kissed /

Len Lawson

Destroying the poorly constructed narrative around them. Banishing blaxploitation backward in time from Foxy Brown and Super Fly to the first iteration of a happy slave in a textbook.

Jae Nichelle

you, a paper plane— a fancy one—with a sharpie

Scarlett Peterson

The dog has wet the bed again, / an act of dominance, / not an accident.

Noor Hindi

I’ve carried a “Keep Calm, Carry On” bookmark in my pocket for the last 22 days.

Charnell Peters

bantu knots / twist out / wash n go / coils! turkey / ham / mac n cheese / greens!

Andrew Kahn

—It didn't hurt much (like a shot from doctor) but feels a little weird physically now but that is probably definitely psychology

Beasa Dukes

sometimes i crawl into sleep where i’m barefoot and clumsy, where the asphalt rumbles underneath, where the liquor-glass gets all stuck in a smile between my teeth

Sybil Mahone

Have you ever called a trans person by their dead name Have you ever been trans Have you ever tried being trans Have you ever tried being cis

Susan Sanford Blades

Gwen sliced. Thin slices, the cookbook said. Her slices were paper thin. Look how well she followed instructions. Her slices fainted over one another like dominoes.

Kristina Ten

There is a tenderness to the way MJ cradles the whirling molten orb. Alice, shameless exploiter of the museum’s generous discount policy, has seen it a hundred times and still not enough.

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