Two years after I unfriended John on Facebook, Tempest and I were lying in her bed watching and re-watching the scene in Pride and Prejudice where Mr. Darcy is so overwhelmed by the touch of Lizzie’s hand that he splays his fingers, as if to reach back through time for memory of her skin on his.
“That’s what love is,” she said the fifth time we watched the clip.
She said if she ever got a tattoo, it’d be a quote from Pride and Prejudice. I told her about the hummingbird on my back. I pulled my sweater off of my shoulder to show her, followed by the slip of my bra strap as I leaned forward into a mound of yellow pillows. I never understood why she liked the color yellow so much.
“Do you have any idea how sexy you are?” she asked.
“Can I touch it?” She waited for my nod. I braced myself for touch, shivering when it came.
“Does that happen every time someone touches you?” she asked.
No one had ever asked me that before.
“It’s not a problem if you don’t stay in the same place for too long,” I said.
She pulled my shirt over my head and just rolled her fingertips down my torso, barely touching me. She was careful to avoid my neck.
“I know I’m weird,” I said, sorry unspoken, but understood.
“Are you kidding?” she asked. “This is the most fun I’ve had in forever. Girl, I wanna make you shiver.” She stopped touching me to play the song “Shiver, Shiver” by Walk the Moon.
I choose the methods I do best.
She whisper sang-serenaded my eardrums to shiver. It should’ve been cheesy (maybe it was), but mostly it was just hot. For the first time, I didn’t feel like a negotiation. As her fingers tapped down my arms, I started to wonder if my sensitivity might not be as much of a problem as I’d thought. Maybe it could be a bonus. Maybe I would be able to find what would be good for me. Maybe sex could be good.
My back arched upward with the trace of her thumb across my stomach. I licked her neck the way she liked. She strolled fingertips from bellybutton to shoulder blades. Middle finger to elbow. We lay between her yellow pillows, fingers barely touching until I lay my hand on top of hers. I closed my eyes.