Fargo Tbakhi | Poetry

boytoy for a queer palestinian with anger to spare

think i’d like a boy with burnt fingers.

think i’d like a boy…….made of worms, wriggling
down my throat. finding dirt…….…….i didn’t know…….……. i’d
hidden there.

think i’d like a boy who’ll blow kisses right
…….into the living room i keep inside the house i found
…….inside my……. vertebrae.

think i’d like a boy who knows how to wink and does so.

like a boy to share a coke with.

like a boy to hold up my body, the way saplings need
a little assistance staving off ……. gravity,
a boy to keep my body up…….……. when things…….……. pull me
down.

i’d like a boy i wouldn’t say “things” to.

like a boy who’d listen when i say “my grandfather lost a home. his
…….name coats the roof of my mouth…….…….like peanut butter
…….…….or …….blood.”

a boy who’d kiss me, deep, anyway, and tell me which it was.

think i’d like to kiss a colonizer boy/
…….send my tongue like a settler
down his throat …….…….…….…….…….…….…….…….……,.,burn
some olive trees in there,

rename some villages.…….…….…….…….…….…….…….….. don’t
call this decolonial,…….…….…….…….…….…….…….……….
just call
it
…….sexy.

and i think i’d like a boy who could eat with his fingers. one
…….who would not ask for a fork. which is not to say i’d like
…….a
boy who doesn’t mind fingers in his mouth. which is not
…….to say i wouldn’t.

and i think i’d like a boy with some spice to him. a boy with cardamom
…….skin and cherry red lips. a boy who tastes like the grounds at the
…….bottom of my coffee.

and i think i’d like a boy to build a country in. i’d like a boy with land
…….begging to be explored, hips begging to be cultivated, a boy who
…….tongues community into nation. i’d like a boy that i could
…….infrastructure. i’d like a boy with roads to pave.

and i think i’d like a boy to take to museums so we could give the statues
…….arms…….……. again. who wouldn’t breathe funny when i told
…….him how i …….……. longed to give them arms again. a boy
…….who would…….…….……. know that “them” did not mean
…….the statues.…….…….…….…….……. a boy who would not
…….know who “them” was. a boy…….…….…….who would not ask.

i think i’d like a boy who’d keep my ears clean.

i’d like a boy who is more desert than mirage. i want to know what i am
…….getting. i want to wander forty nights in him. i want to believe
…….for a moment that i’ll never get out.

i’d like a boy whose voice would come out of my microwave while i’m
…….putting in …….leftover lamb. like a radiation whisper. to say:

…….i will speak the language you listen in.

…….i will spring oil for you.

…….i will be tongue and i will be community.

…….i am made of the things you’ve been aching for.

yes, i’d like a boy whose arm hair like jungles, whose teethache like
opera. a boy who will bite on my gravestone with his terraformed mouth.
i’d like a boy who’s got eyebrows that wiggle. who will speak more than
me. i’d like a boy who will cradle my country, who is singing with
muscle, who will trace my back lip-full, threatless and constant, like
sunshine on tan skin.

a boy who could write me a poem far better than this one.
…….who’d make me regret every letter i’d ever carved from my
…….tendons. who’d write me a poem that said everything his
slumping spine and his incense eyes did, in a tenth of the space
it took me to say: i’d like a boy who would write me a poem.

i’d like a boy and for his eyes……. to meet mine.

i’d like them to say:

…….i will not ask you

…….…….to sorrow for me.

a boy who could speak me into every platitude. whose voice was the
prophet. who would let me be a sunspot. who would be blinded. who
would not look away.
 

i am learning
…….to eat with my fingers.

i am learning
…….that messes are sacred.

Fargo Tbakhi (he/him) is a queer Palestinian-american writer, performer, and aspiring muppet from Phoenix, Arizona. his work has been published or is forthcoming in Cotton Xenomorph, Yes Poetry, Up the Staircase Quarterly, the Ellis Review, Crab Fat Magazine, Cosmonauts Avenue, Glass: a Journal of Poetry, and Peach Mag. He tweets @YouKnowFargo and probably wants to hold your hand.

2018-12-31T15:03:12-04:00