1. I haven’t dreamt of Abe Lincoln and Barack Obama playing one-on-one atop a gigantic bronze Marv Albert bust. That wouldn’t hurt my spirit.
2. What kind of husband will I be?
3. What kind of father?
4. The kind that gives his child a Michael Jordan jersey?
5. The kind that lets his child find his own Michael Jordan jersey?
6. The kind that waits until his child is eighteen and about to leave the roost before unpacking his Derrick Rose jersey and handing it over, folded and stained—Love this as I have.
7. The kind that plays it straight up: no Santa Clause, no Easter Bunny, no Christopher Columbus; no foul calling unless bone is showing, no easy buckets.
8. Will my intended walk out when she discovers my true feelings regarding Michael Jordan and Muhammad Ali?
9. Sonny Liston was a bad bad man.
10. Tony Allen ain’t scared of nobody.
11. Steph Curry made three consecutive Southern Conference All-Tournament Teams.
12. Fritz Nagy, too, for a year, all the way from Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio.
13. Jerry West played in the Southern Conference. They made a logo out of him.
14. The man who invented the jump shot died recently. Kenny Sailors, all the way from Hillsdale, Wyoming.
15. Big Money Conferences are ruining college basketball.
16. Do you think something impure is irreversibly ruined? I don’t.
17. Big Money Basketball Academies are ruining high school basketball.
18. Somewhere in Indiana, a kid can still dream about Larry Bird.
19. Somewhere in Mozambique, a kid must decide between becoming the next Eusebio or the next Custodio Muchate or the next Filipe Nyusi or the next Malangatana Ngwenya.
20. Mozambique’s American Embassy looks like any other house in Georgetown.
21. Ben Bentil dropped 26 against The Hoyas on Saturday. His favorite team is Manchester United. His favorite book: The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao.
22. Kobe Bryant’s favorite author is J.K. Rowling.
23. Phil Jackson’s favorite author is Phil Jackson.
24. Michael Jordan wanted to predict the weather for a living.
25. Michael Jordan ruined Muggsy Bogues.
26. Will I tell my 5 foot 7 inch teenager, Anybody can be whatever they want? Just look at Fritz Nagy and Kenny Sailors.
27. If my intended expresses desire to play one-on-one against Tony Allen atop a court made of ice—what then?
28. Sometimes people just need a change.
29. Sonny Liston learned to box in prison. They knew him around St. Louis as the Yellow Shirt Bandit.
30. Now, a real dream, or something like it: General Ulysses S. Grant and President Ulysses S. Grant playing catch in outer space, out there with those thoughts and chaos; remind them to come in for supper, it’s cold, okay?
Gabe Bump is from South Side, Chicago. He currently lives in Florence, Massachusetts. He misses Chicago Public League basketball.