I BITE MY NAILS IN OUR HOUSE

I don’t leave crescent moons
in any other set of rooms you have to know
that feeling
like I can tear myself completely
apart without watching
both of us casually breathing
I’m trying to say
sometimes I’m a disaster without knowing sometimes I’m looking at you
my happiness completely in your hands love is pressure but it is also
a few good consecutive calm moments
I hold
my moon between my teeth tightly squeezing the smooth surface
even after 5 years I still wait for you to look away
before I let go and
spit the moon across the room
onto the floorboards of our earth
I’m not going to be the one that kills the romance
we come back together and you
have this way of rubbing my head witch doesn’t mean anything other than
you’re finding the parts of me that you control
right now I can see baby hairs falling from
my head onto our filthy white couch
some days I think they will ripen the way snowflakes grow
into a pile of frozen snow on the side of the road
I try not to forget
that things aren’t beautiful until they are and seemingly nothings changed except time beauty isn’t practical
but I’m practically asleep with my love and that’s beautiful
sometimes all of this is happening before bed
while we’re watching
something unnecessary but good
like the Kardashians naming their kids
every word fits perfectly inside their mouth
there is no visible sky tonight
except the one in Calabasas
and the one I’ve made right here on our floor
why not mention the crescents
why not mention the moon
sometimes they stick to your feet as you walk to bed from the couch
I’ve watched you peel them off of the pads of your toes
then kiss me goodnight
this is gross comfort
is being sick on vacation
is walking barefoot on the moon

Laura Buccieri is the author of the chapbooks Songbook for a Boy Inside (Belladonna* 2018) and On being mistaken (PANK Books, 2018).  Her poems can be found in Lit Hub, Metatron, DUM DUM Zine, Prelude, Cosmonauts Avenue, Lambda Literary, Word Riot, Apogee, and elsewhere. She is the Publicist at Copper Canyon Press & holds an MFA in poetry from The New School. She lives in Brooklyn and on Instagram at @lauruhboocherry.