Tabs open on your screen right now:
Gmail, web portal thing from the school I work for, OnlyUndiesClub (to see if it still exists, made curious by question below, it does exist, it remains a time capsule of early ‘00s “emo” culture), multiple tabs about growing jasmine (summertime goal)

If you had to brag about yourself:
My dog is very cute and sweet and well-behaved.

Also I cook a good steak.

Finally, I have very strong thighs.

Your writer crush:
I am married to my writer crush so I will just use this space to put a picture of Sam Shepard (technically a writer, never read him) from when he played Chuck Yeager in The Right Stuff.

Favorite lyric:
cut my life into pieces this is my last resort

Any place in the world:
West Virginia in the summertime

Best breakfast:
Something sweet with lemon curd and also a side of thick-cut bacon, good strong coffee, cigarette

Favorite online places right now:
Eternal group chat with my childhood BFFs, the Fanzine, Tyrant, Etsy looking at magic rocks

Sweetest thing:

Your rituals (writing or not):
If I want to feel God, I listen to this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zjroxymf4dg

Least impressive thing about you:
I met my first ~true love~ on a site called OnlyUndiesClub

I still think prank calls are funny

I never graduated high school

I am forever trapped in emotional adolescence

Favorite space to write:
My desk in the basement with just the storm door open so I can see the backyard.

What should we know:
Humanity is equal parts beautiful and horrible so nothing should surprise you.

Guilty literary pleasure:
Michael Connelly’s Harry Bosch series (technically not “literary” but what is “literary” anyway)

Best book nobody talks about:
More people should read Drugs are Nice by Lisa Carver and Grapefruit by Yoko Ono.

Character (TV, book, movie) you most identify with:
Title character in the novel Juliet the Maniac by Juliet Escoria

Last time you lied:
Last week

The lie:
I told the Airbnb man that my stepchildren had decided to spend the night with us last minute when really I had known about it for a while, it just hadn’t occurred to me that I would need to tell him.

Question you secretly want to be asked:
Hello Julia*, this is Satan, I was wondering if you would like enough fortune that you could buy a house in LA, a house in WV, and a tiny apartment in NYC, but not so much fortune that it would change you, and enough success as a writer that you could do whatever you wanted, but not so much that lots of people hate you? All you have to do is cut off your pinky finger and leave it at the crossroads, no strings attached.

*Satan would obviously refer to me by my real name, not the one I made up.

The answer:
::Drives to father-in-law’s house to use his table saw, while thinking Satan is actually pretty cool::

JULIET ESCORIA wrote WITCH HUNT (Lazy Fascist 2016) and BLACK CLOUD (CCM/Emily Books 2014). She was born in Australia, raised in California, and currently lives in West Virginia.